Merry-Go-Round

There is a little park downtown that I used to go to. Years ago, I would take my lunch breaks and go there to get away from the work day. I loved seeing the Mom's out pushing their kids in swings and the healthier Mom's pushing strollers while they jogged miles away. It made me feel good to see how happy those little kids were-just to be outside and getting to run and play! I knew that someday I wanted to be one of those Moms...preferably the playing type-not the jogging type. But I felt secure knowing that someday in the future-that would be me and my child there.

Then after eating my lunch-my eyes always drifted over to the metal Merry-Go-Round with it's faint colors from years of exposure. It creaked and turned slowly in the wind-but no children played on it. It was empty and longing for just one child to someday make happy...I knew how it felt because that was what I wanted too. And on occasion, a couple of teenagers would run by and jump on it and spin it really fast. But only to make the other one very dizzy and then they were off and running again-leaving the poor Merry-Go-Round slowing down on it's own and all alone again. Still whirling from the sudden experience.

I knew how it felt. Since many teenagers were having babies with no trouble all around me...laughing at my plight it seemed. Maybe letting me hold or care for their little ones, but then leaving me all alone with Empty Arms Again. And not caring what it did to me emotionally.

My husband and I have been married for 10 years. Happily...except for being childless. We began trying for a baby back in 2001. I am infertile-but with the help of Clomid, we did get pregnant in 2002. I developed Diabetes shortly after and also had an undiagnosed blood clotting disorder. This led to the death of the baby we so longed for. And left our hearts and arms empty for another child.

We've tried again over the years and have never been pregnant since then. In 2005, we had an idea that worked for us. There were many children who were already born and needed parents. And we needed a child...so ADOPTING sounded like the answer to both our prayers! Unfortunately-we learned that adopting is not an easy process. And that the average adoption took 5-7 years! It was heartbreaking-we couldn't even adopt a child in a reasonable timeframe! That and we did not want a court to mandate that we "share" our child with the birthparents. Sending letters and pictures monthly till age 18 was okay-but visitation rights seemed way too much to us! My husband was adopted himself...I took his advice on what seemed appropriate since he personally had been through it all.

With much research and soul-searching we decided to go to China to adopt a child. Why China you ask? Because they had boys and girls available at young ages. China had a steady process of 10 years of adoptions-where most countries were in it's infancy and proper procedures were not always taken. The children were healthy. It was less expensive than other countries. No birthparents could suddenly decide they wanted the baby back and be ripped from our arms. And lastly the whole process took 9months total!!

9 months to a baby?? The only way that happened was if you either got pregnant or a surrogate got pregant for you! We were THRILLED to say the least! It was exactly what we were looking for!

So in 2005-we began our adoption...you can read about that on Victoria's Website by clicking on that link to the right. Unfortunately things changed A LOT since we began our China adoption...we have completed all steps...just waiting in a VERY long line of people to get our baby. A line roughly 20,000 people long!! Due to this-it is looking we will finally go to China in mid 2012. No kidding.

And so we are back trying to conceive a baby we so deseperately want. Somehow-we always get stuck with nothing but empty arms no matter which road we take! Maybe our baby is just around the corner...we just don't know it yet!